The transition from being your kid’s mom to a MOMM (mother of a married man) can be quite jarring. You go from being the caretaker, the comforter, the cheerleader, the guider, the counselor, head of your household and breadwinner (for some) to being excluded.
Some feel this more than others. Some are devastated. I was choked by it.
I don’t know why and I do know why I was excluded. Different thoughts/reasons come to mind, all based on things I’ve done, the choices I’ve made, the life I’ve lived, the person I am. I brought tension into their home just by walking through their door. My daughter-in-law and I never clicked, and in my book, her behavior toward me has been uncaring. I just don’t know what to do except to stay away.
When I was at their home, I always remembered to not offer advice (unless I was asked, but I was never asked), to respect that I was in their house, her house, another woman’s domain, not mine. I feel like I was/am the most un-butt-inski mother-in-law ever. I was sure I’d be listed as the best MIL ever. She just doesn’t want anything to do with me; nor does she want me in their lives.
It’s just the way she is. I’m the way I am. My son is the way he is. His priorities are with them, and they should be.
But, gosh, I’m family too. They and their children are my family. I don’t see them, nor do I have a relationship with them, including my son.
I send birthday and Christmas gifts to the children. At one point I asked my son if we could establish a tradition around one of the holidays—Thanksgiving, Christmas, Christmas Eve, a time between Christmas and New Year’s, Easter, or something made up in between. My son wrote me back in an email no, because his mother-in-law always has these meals and if they were to come to celebrate with me, it would hurt her feelings.
I got the message.